


Faded

by seoxuxi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 21:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17516402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seoxuxi/pseuds/seoxuxi
Summary: Yuta remembers everything...But he wishes he couldn't remember a thing.





	Faded

**Author's Note:**

> me: I hate angst, it always makes me sad
> 
> also me: Let's write some angst!

   Yuta still wondered how it all started. He still wasn’t exactly sure when or how or why. But something had gone wrong, and now this is what came of it. This had become the world they lived in…

   Sometimes Yuta wondered how many were left after the initial wave, and then he wondered how many were left now, 2 years later. It wasn’t very common for him to come across other survivors, so he guessed that most of the population had already been taken.

   Taken the way Johnny and Taeyong had been…with no hesitation, no remorse or empathy for what those in their grasp might be feeling. They didn’t seem to feel much at all. They wouldn’t understand things like love and families. It wasn’t in their genetic make up to feel. To them, it was only a distraction from whatever goal they were trying to achieve by coming here.

   Yuta looked up, squinting his eyes against the sun that was shining down through the tops of the trees under which he sat. He didn’t know exactly where he was, somewhere on the outskirts of Seoul he guessed. More like what used to be Seoul. 2 years left a lot of room for change. He hadn’t been back to the city in a long time now, but he had seen it from a distance. It was safer to stay in the shadows anyway. Less chance of Them finding you.

   If Johnny had been here, he might have told Yuta that they needed to move. That they had been in one spot for too long. Taeyong would certainly agree with him in the way he always did, concern hidden behind serious eyes and a firm nod of his head. They had always been more rational than Yuta. They had been the ones to come find Yuta first when They came.

   Yuta remembers it clearly. 2 years ago, during the summer. He had been at work, at the kindergarten, tidying up after a long day. A few parents earlier that day had suddenly come and pulled their children from class, all slightly flustered and only saying a few words, but Yuta hadn’t paid it much mind.

   Johnny and Taeyong had come bursting in to the classroom, immediately yelling that they had to go, that they had to get out of the city. Yuta had never seen them in so much distress. Realizing that he wasn’t going to get an explanation right then, and that he should trust his boyfriends, he followed them out to the car. Johnny had driven them south. The only things Yuta remembered was sitting in the passenger seat, Taeyong tucked into his lap because he didn’t want to sit alone in the back, and Johnny’s knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel.

   Yuta missed them. It had been a long time since he had last seen them. He remembers the day They caught them. He didn’t want to remember, but it played like a loop in his mind most days, conscious or asleep, with no stop button. It kept him awake at night, leaving him to curl in on himself and sob until he ran out of tears to cry, their names on his lips as if repeating them over and over again might somehow bring them back.

 

 

   They had to go into the city for a supply run. Not deep into the city, that would be too dangerous. Just the outskirts. They could raid the empty houses there, where there was less of Them and more cover if they needed to hide. Johnny had insisted that Yuta stay behind in the safety of their hideout, keeping watch, but he had refused. He wasn’t about the let Johnny and Taeyong go into the city alone, with no way of keeping in contact or knowing what might happen to them. It didn’t take much for him to give in, so they had made the trek to the outskirts.

   They were lucky most people had moved further away from the city, and that the houses on the outer edges remained unoccupied by anyone. It meant finding supplies was easy. But, of course, not everything could just go according to plan.

   First, they had heard the vehicles moving down the streets. It was unusual for patrols to come this far out. Obviously, something had changed since they were last here. They had snuck out the back, hopping through yards to get away, but they hadn’t been quick enough.

   They had caught Taeyong first. A scream and the sound of something heavy dropping to the ground behind them had alerted them. Yuta remembers turning around, seeing Taeyong twisting and flailing in Their arms as They attempted to restrain him, faces devoid of any emotion.

   Yuta remembers making to go help before Johnny was pushing him backwards and running past him. Yuta had even been a little hopeful at one point, with Johnny having taken down a handful of Them. But more came, and soon enough They had a hold of Johnny the same way they had Taeyong. Yuta had been frozen, not able to draw his eyes away from what was happening in front of him. Johnny had shouted at him to go, to take what supplies they had and move to a new camp.

   He had shaken his head, screaming by this point. Telling them he couldn’t leave them, that he wouldn’t leave them, but Johnny had just smiled, saying that they would be fine. They had began moving towards Yuta, trying to capture him as well, so Yuta ran.

   He had run as fast as he could, for as long as his legs could carry him until They were no longer behind him and he had collapsed into the dirt, chest heaving from overexertion and the tears that were pouring out of him. The ground had been cold and wet, soaking through his clothes, getting into his hair and covering his skin in grime, but he couldn’t move.

   He had laid there for hours, sobs racking his body and feeling lightheaded from struggling to breathe, drawing in deep shuddering breaths in an attempt to gain some control back.

   By the time his tears had slowed, and breathing had returned to normal, it was near dark. He knew he had to move. He couldn’t stay here. They would be in the area now that They knew there was survivors.

   Yuta felt dead as he walked back to their camp. As soon as he reached their camp, he tripped falling forward with a gasp and letting out another sob as fresh tears at the memories set in.

   He had cried all through that night. Through packing up their things, trying to shove as many of Johnny and Taeyong’s possessions in alongside his own as he could. He couldn’t just leave them there.

 

 

   The months following had been a blur. Yuta barely remembered anything of them now. There was no point, there was no happiness or joy in them even if he could remember. All he knew was that Johnny and Taeyong, his boyfriends, his _loves_ , were gone.

   He knew they were there in the city, somewhere, but it wasn’t them. Not really. Everything that had made them who they were as a real person would have been stripped away until they were a shell, ready to be filled with an intruder who didn’t belong there. They probably had new lives now.

   Yuta could feel the tears stinging at his eyes again and furiously rubbed them away with his fists, taking a deep breath in and out. He leaned his head back against the rough bark of the tree and closed his eyes.

_They wouldn’t remember the one that been left alone…the one who cried every night as he relived the traumatic memories every day, as fresh as the day it happened…the one left with a permanent hole in his shattered heart…_

   Yuta wished that he didn’t remember, wished that he couldn’t see Taeyong’s face soaked with tears and hear his voice screaming out his name as They hauled him away. He wished he didn’t remember Johnny’s soft smile and glassy eyes as he had tried to reassure Yuta.

   Yuta wanted to feel again. He remembers the feeling of being held by Johnny, with strong arms and warmth that made him feel safe. The soft kisses pressed into his hair when he had had a bad day or just when he needed the affection and love. He remembers pulling Taeyong close as they cuddled in bed, arms around his thin waist and face buried in his hair that changed colours way too often but was still soft to the touch. The older boy would always bury his face into Yuta’s neck or chest and mumble out ‘I love you’s’ into the warm skin, breath tickling slightly.

   He misses their kisses, the soft, slow ones when they were exhausted from work or feeling the extra need for some affection. The sleepy morning kisses on weekends when they had all the time in the world to enjoy each other’s company. The strong, passionate (and often messy) kisses that used to always set a fire in Yuta, making his skin tingle and his hands grip tighter anywhere on his boyfriend’s bodies that they could reach and pull them closer.

   But there was none of that now.

   Yuta stood up from his spot against the tree, stretching out his muscles that had cramped from sitting in the same spot for so long, and started walking.

   He had made his resolve a while ago now. He had come to terms with his decision, after all, it was the most logical way of forgetting, of leaving the pain behind. Maybe if he had any rationality left, any sort of purpose or will, he would have reconsidered, but he didn’t. What little sense or reason he had left disappeared along with Johnny and Taeyong.

   The hill he walked to had a perfect view of the entire city. He could see the cars moving around, the small dots, Them, moving walking along sidewalks and through streets, going about whatever they did in their daily lives.

   There was a cool breeze this high up, and Yuta closed his eyes, feeling the goosebumps rise across his skin. He doubted that these sorts of feelings would come to him much in the future.

   He could never go back to the way things were before. Before They came. Life wasn’t the same anymore.

   A phantom whisper of Johnny and Taeyong’s voices reached his ears as he opened his eyes and began to step in the direction of the city.

   “We love you, and we’re in this together, no matter what happens.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on Twitter:
> 
> [Main](https://twitter.com/seoxushi) OR [NSFW/AU](https://twitter.com/taeilsyoungho)


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